Always

“Hey Char.”

“Hi Daddy.”

“I went to Centennial pool for the first time the other day. I took your cousins Alyssa, Gianna, and Lauren.”

“I know, Daddy. I was there too.”

“What? No you weren’t. I looked all over for you. I looked for you standing under the buckets waiting for the water to fall on your head. I looked for you going down the slide. I looked for you in the face of every 3 year old boy there. You were NOT there.”

“Daddy, I was there. I felt your heart drop as you walked past the diving board. I saw the panic set in when you scanned the pool and couldn’t find me.”

“Did you . . .”

“Yes. I saw that little boy reach for your hand as he fell down and under the water. He was scared. I told him you’d help him and make him feel safe.”

“I thought it was you, Char. I reacted and grabbed him as fast as I could. I never thought a two year old’s hand could almost bring me to my knees. It felt as if I was trying to save you. It scared me at first. Then it made me wish you were there even more- if that’s even possible.”

“Dad! I told you already. I WAS there. Wherever you go, I am there. I was there when you and Mommy took Danno to the park for the first time. I helped you push him on the swing. I am with you when you guys go for your nightly walks. I help you push the stroller. I am with you when you’re holding Mommy when she cries at night for me. I help you console her. I am there when you cry alone in the shower. I help you try to hide your hurt before you leave the house. I am always with you.”

“But Char, I don’t see you. I don’t hear you. I don’t FEEL you.”

“You will Daddy. Once you allow your love to flow again, you will feel me.”

“I’m always afraid Char. I’m afraid of loving Danno because I might forget about the bond we shared. I’m afraid of loving Danno because I might lose him too. I’m afraid of people forgetting or never knowing that I had a son named Charlie. I’m afraid of feeling like this forever.”

“That won’t happen. My life and love will live on through Danny. It will flow through you and Mommy. I love you Dad .”

“I love you too Charlie!”

“Hey, Dad. Remember that I am ALWAYS with you. And I will ALWAYS be your son.”

“I will ALWAYS be your Dad.”