Always

“Hey Char.”

“Hi Daddy.”

“I went to Centennial pool for the first time the other day. I took your cousins Alyssa, Gianna, and Lauren.”

“I know, Daddy. I was there too.”

“What? No you weren’t. I looked all over for you. I looked for you standing under the buckets waiting for the water to fall on your head. I looked for you going down the slide. I looked for you in the face of every 3 year old boy there. You were NOT there.”

“Daddy, I was there. I felt your heart drop as you walked past the diving board. I saw the panic set in when you scanned the pool and couldn’t find me.”

“Did you . . .”

“Yes. I saw that little boy reach for your hand as he fell down and under the water. He was scared. I told him you’d help him and make him feel safe.”

“I thought it was you, Char. I reacted and grabbed him as fast as I could. I never thought a two year old’s hand could almost bring me to my knees. It felt as if I was trying to save you. It scared me at first. Then it made me wish you were there even more- if that’s even possible.”

“Dad! I told you already. I WAS there. Wherever you go, I am there. I was there when you and Mommy took Danno to the park for the first time. I helped you push him on the swing. I am with you when you guys go for your nightly walks. I help you push the stroller. I am with you when you’re holding Mommy when she cries at night for me. I help you console her. I am there when you cry alone in the shower. I help you try to hide your hurt before you leave the house. I am always with you.”

“But Char, I don’t see you. I don’t hear you. I don’t FEEL you.”

“You will Daddy. Once you allow your love to flow again, you will feel me.”

“I’m always afraid Char. I’m afraid of loving Danno because I might forget about the bond we shared. I’m afraid of loving Danno because I might lose him too. I’m afraid of people forgetting or never knowing that I had a son named Charlie. I’m afraid of feeling like this forever.”

“That won’t happen. My life and love will live on through Danny. It will flow through you and Mommy. I love you Dad .”

“I love you too Charlie!”

“Hey, Dad. Remember that I am ALWAYS with you. And I will ALWAYS be your son.”

“I will ALWAYS be your Dad.”

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6 thoughts on “Always

  1. Bryan,
    I admire you so much for having the courage to put all of your emotions into writing. These stories are incredible and really show what an amazing little boy Charlie was and what amazing parents you and Vanessa are. We have Charlie’s picture up in our house and everyday I see him it reminds me to live life to the fullest. The stories have been inspirational to me personally, thank you for sharing. Your family is always in our thoughts and prayers.
    Colleen Story

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